Before we start, I'm neither a vegetarian nor a vegan.
Like many in lockdown, I watched 'Cowspiracy' and was taken aback by the brutal portrayal of animal slaughter shown on screen.
After one particularly graphic scene - a little duck getting its head removed via machete - I decided enough was enough and I would become a veggie.
This lasted about 48 hours before I once again found myself stumbling through a kebab shop threshold at 2 a.m. on a Saturday, riddled with shame.
#Cowspiracy (2014)
— katie! (tv) (ftv) (@BigBrainKatie) April 20, 2021
Again, interesting but heartbreaking. Fails to appreciate that some people can't feasibly be vegan - made me feel bad for being a vegetarian. Interesting facts/statistics. The duck scene was traumatising, definitely didn't need it twice. 3.5/5. (no GIF from it) pic.twitter.com/LdhlTIi0X5
Many advocates of vegetarianism say that eating meat harms health, wastes resources, and creates pollution - case in point, Cowspiracy.
Activists often argue that killing animals for food is cruel and unethical since non-animal food sources are abundant.
However, I just love meat, and in those 48 hours, I found nothing that could compare to the real thing (granted, I probably could've given it more time).
The classic sausage is where the battle lines are drawn in a veggie vs meat debate, most likely because of Pam from Gavin and Stacey.
I haven't really put any to the test before against a classic banger, so in memory of that duck, I decided to give it one more try.
You can find several different ranges of vegetarian/vegan sausages in your local supermarket, so for once I didn't have to go scouring from store to store.
This is what I found:
M&S - £3.50
4/10
For the first time in one of these reviews, M&S has failed to justify its price and this time by some margin.
"M&S Plant Kitchen offers a wide selection of flavour-packed, plant-based products that are totally delicious. Each product is made of 100% plant-based, vegan-friendly ingredients," their online store states.
I was bitterly disappointed, as usually M&S offers the creme de la creme, but this sausage failed to hit the spot in every way: taste, appearance and price. It looked the worst out of the pan in my opinion and the flavour was quite bitter if anything.
Richmond - £2.15
7/10
I'd heard great things about Richmond and its vegetarian sausages so was looking forward to this one. I wasn't disappointed.
It was perhaps the smallest sausage out of the pan but made up for that in taste. I'd have a few of these on a butty no problem, a bit of brown sauce and it'd make a perfectly good bit of lunch or snack.
The first sausage to genuinely taste meatlike, I'd put it to you to try and taste the difference yourself.
Spice up your meal with tomato basil shells and veggie sausages! 🌱🍝
— Linda McCartney Foods (@LindaFoods) August 16, 2023
Discover a hidden gem from Instagram's ivys_cooks_vegan. Embracing plant-based cuisine has never been easier, and this dish is simply delicious. The flavours will win your heart! 💚 pic.twitter.com/sEG7UpJe85
Linda McCartney - £2.50
5/10
Linda McCartney is arguably the face of vegetarianism. Her name is synonymous with animal rights and meatless foods, but how do her sausages taste?
Like Richmond, I'd heard great things and was looking forward to this one the most, however, I wasn't too much of a fan.
It looked odd for starters, not too dissimilar from a shish kebab in some weird way. As I took my first bite the texture felt crumbly, not juicy in the slightest.
Tesco - £1.95
1/10
Tesco's offering was the biggest and looked the best. I would have preferred, however, to have tucked into the packaging.
Upon the first bite, I was met with a flavour that will take some time to forget but for none of the right reasons. Although it was the cheapest sausage it seemed artificial beyond belief.
A Pride of Britain to anyone who eats this 'for ethical reasons', hats off.
My fave ever meal is heck chicken sausages on a bagel with halloumi and Nandos chilli jam it slaps 🤌🏼 pic.twitter.com/WcpU8Ha3tU
— Tam Louchia 🪩 (@tamerawallwork_) March 11, 2022
Heck -£2
9/10
Well, well, well. I'd never heard of Heck before but, well, heck.
This was genuinely delicious and took me by complete surprise. It had that sausage (cough cough it was actually branded as a chipolata) quality, was flavoursome, juicy and I even went back for seconds.
I would 100% recommend this brand even if you are, like me, an avid meat eater and vegan sceptic. If you've been debating going vegetarian for a while, I genuinely do think there are some decent meatless options out there (and some not-so-decent), and they tend to be cheaper than pork sausages.
So whether you want to save the next pig, or just want to save a bit of money, consider giving these a go.
Disclaimer
As I sit writing this article, my stomach has turned on me and refuses to stop doing somersaults.
Never mix your veggie sausages.
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