LIKE most people, I consider myself an honest person. White lies to friends and family aside (on matters including but not restricted to weight, clothes style and cooking skills - all of which, I have no doubt, apply to me in reverse), I'm scrupulous about telling the truth and have real problems liking or respecting people who are not.

Well, perhaps I'm not being strictly, er, honest there. I'll come clean: along with, it seems, the rest of you, my truthfulness gene gives up the ghost when I enter a doctor's surgery.

A survey this week has revealed that 71 per cent of doctors suspect their patients of telling porkies when they present at surgeries and hospitals - predominantly when asked how much alcohol they consume; and when it comes to explanations about how foreign objects found themselves stuck in various orifices.

Now, I can honestly - honestly! - say I have never found myself in the latter predicament; but apparently doctors refer to this phenomenon as the "Eiffel syndrome", Eiffel as in "I fell on it" - and the former doctor Adam Kay (whose hilarious book about his medical experiences is currently on the bestsellers list) fondly recounts tales of TV remote controls being stuck where they shouldn't, along with an engagement ring (an ostensibly romantic gesture gone horribly wrong), sundry vacuum cleaner accessories and enough vegetables to stock a farm shop.

But back to alcohol consumption and the fact that our doctors think we're all devious, conniving little liars.

So little credence do our medics give to lofty claims about weekly alcohol unit consumption in single figures, that the cheeky blighters apparently regularly quadruple the figure the patient admits to drinking.

Fair enough if you stagger, beer-bellied and bleary-eyed into the surgery and claim to be consuming next to no booze, but what about the rest of us?

We social drinkers who enjoy a glass (just the one, I swear, doctor) of wine with their supper most evenings, might somewhat underestimate the size of the glasses we are using - I admit, my own household wine glasses are on the capacious side - but are we really so self-deluding/dishonest as all that?

Personally, I have absolutely no truck whatsoever with the 14-units-a-week arbitrary guidelines we're all supposed to stick to. It's a figure plucked out of the air and is a load of nonsense. Which is why I always tell me doctor I drink 15 units a week. But if this week's survey is to be believed, that means I'm down as consuming at least 60 units a week. Which I really, really don't. True, my claim of 15 units is perhaps straying into the realms of economic truthfulness, but not by much, I swear to God, hand on heart, etc.

The other thing our doctors think we all lie about is how much exercise we take. And here I am on very strong ground. When a doctor enquires about this aspect of my health regime, I am able to look him or her in the eye and answer absolutely truthfully. I don't do any exercise. Although having said that, all those trips to the fridge to top up my wine glass count as exercise, surely? And lots of it. I'm a picture of health, really. Honestly, Doctor, would I lie to you?