TWO of Britain's dullest men, including a South Lakes parish lengthsmen, went head to head in a nationally televised 'bore-off'.
Archie Workman, a former engineer who now maintains benches, drains and shrubbery for six parish councils in the South Lakes, holds the current title of 'Britain's Dullest Man'.
He was pitted against Kevin Beresford, a roundabout enthusiast from Worcestershire, who held the title before Archie.
The dullards, who are both members of the exclusive Dull Men's Club, were invited onto GB News' Friday Night Feast, hosted by Patrick Christys, who started his journalistic career at the Westmorland Gazette, in a "penalty shoot-out of boredom", akin to a pre-election debate, before the duo's bid for this year's title.
Archie said: "It's a great honour I've been bestowed, and because of Covid, we never had a 2020 or follow-up, so maybe I'll get the title taken off me very soon, but it's been a great accolade - I've been doing television appearances all over the place."
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Archie's opponent Kevin said: "There's nothing wrong with being dull - dull is the new black, it's sexy being dull.
"There's nothing more expressive than a one-way gyratory - we see a roundabout as an oasis on a sea of tarmac."
Asked about his passion for drains, Archie said: "There's a lot goes into drains, a lot of people walk down the streets, as you probably do, and you never look down in the gutter.
"I spend half my life in the gutter, and all these drain covers have names on them, and they've been there since the 1800s, and being an old engineer, I just think it's fantastic.
"I like to know where these drain covers come from."
Patrick asked both men to give two "boring facts":
Archie: "I've got a wardrobe of hi-vis vests - I work for six parish councils with the names on the back, so I've got more hi-vis than Boris Johnson."
Kevin: "How many exits do you think there are on the Arc de Triomphe roundabout? There's 12, it's a gyratory galactico."
Archie: "Drain covers are made of cast iron, it's going to be here forever and ever, long after me, Kevin, and you have gone - I love cast iron."
Kevin: "The houses of parliament in Australia are on a roundabout in Canberra."
Evoking the Duke of Wellington after the Battle of Waterloo, Christys admitted it was a "very close-run-thing", and said: "I spend most of my life in the gutter, and I did once sleep on a roundabout, so I've got something in common with both of you."
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