God bless America – their citizens’ inventiveness gave us the lightbulb, the washing machine and the microwave oven. But they can have Black Friday back. No thanks, y’all!

Without their inventions, I would be unable to see the washing machine into which I need to put my shirt after spilling my reheated curry on it. They really did think of everything.

Unfortunately, they also came up with Black Friday, which (unless you’ve shut yourself in a windowless void, free of the internet, TV, and all human contact) you can’t fail to have noticed is happening right now, all around you, and possibly involving you.

Not so very long ago, life was simple when it came to the sales; you hung on until after Christmas, or even the new year, and shops sold excess stock cheaply.

Then some started having sales at other times of the year too, some decided to throw the regular prices handbook in the bin altogether, internet retail got all clever and suddenly we’re being invaded by Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and the Rolling Stones have been reporting a Ruby Tuesday too.

As most of the UK struggles with the concept of Thanksgiving, working out when Black Friday is gets rather complicated. Helpfully, almost every major retailer has been busily bombarding us with messages about it for weeks now, letting us know that they’re dropping their prices, allowing us plenty of time to prepare to drop our moral standards and manners as we fight in an unseemly manner over a mega-bargain TV screen so big you need to stand in the next town to see all of it at once.

Now the largest shopping day of the year, a 24-hour frenzy of purchasing online and in the discomfort of retail emporiums will see us bargain-obsessed masses part with an estimated £1.3bn.

By anyone’s reckoning, that’s quite a few iPads, kettles and latest mobile phones.

Last year, one internet retailer shifted 64 items per second, whilst in the real world, one supermarket chain's clientele behaved so badly that they’ve decided not to take part in the proceedings this time, despite having been instrumental in making the whole thing a mainstream event in this country.

Last year also saw a department store chain sell a NutriBullet every 30 seconds, which probably means there are millions of expensive fruit scramblers loitering in the back of kitchen cupboards, fighting for the attention of spiders with forgotten fondue sets and that really weird serving bowl your Gran got you for your birthday.

Still, it’s nearly over now, right? Nope – you’ve got the weekend to recover, and then it’s Cyber Monday.

At least you don’t have to wrestle with a pensioner over the last 4K Ultra HD 3D smart TV online.

They’re probably figuring out how to do that right now. Riot Wednesday, anyone?